Answer 1

Ah yes, the person who turned a hot drink into a personality disorder. You spent $18 on a "naturally processed Ethiopian Yirgacheffe with notes of blueberry and jasmine" — which tastes exactly like burnt water, but you insist that's because my palate is "undeveloped." You carry a ceramic travel cup to signal that plastic is beneath you, then spend 40 minutes describing your pour-over ratio to anyone who makes the mistake of asking how your morning is going. Your coffee guy has a name. You know his farm's elevation. The rest of us just want caffeine and for you to please, for five consecutive minutes, talk about literally anything else.